Ownership

Last week we took a communication assessment and there were two questions which really made me think.

Do people often interrupt you when you speak?  And do you often feel like people do not listen or hear you?

I have always been frustrated during conversations with people over these very topics.  People often interrupt me while I am speaking, and sense I was raised to listen while people speak, I always stop speaking.

There is a staff member at work who does not maintain the standards of quality which is required to meet the NAEYC accreditation criteria and Air Force regulations.  As a lead teacher she has a responsibility to mentor and model to others, yet she fails to do so.  I have addressed my frustrations with her supervisor and mine, to no avail.  Yet year after year, inspection after inspect we receive “hits” on our inspections due to her lack of compliance.  She is not responsive to my guidance nor my efforts to implement change.

Last week I spoke with my supervisor once again. Instead of just reporting my observations and frustrations to him, I utilized the “I” message technique. I said, “I feel very frustrated when my efforts to improve the quality of care offered to children and strategies to influence change within Ms. X  go unexecuted.” I continued by saying, “I would really appreciate any guidance you could give me to be more affective in my efforts to help Mrs.X be successful as a classroom teacher.”

Asking my boss for guidance put the ownership of the problem on him. When I stated the problem in a positive fashion and stated that my goal was for her to be successful, rather than just wanting her to do the work, he was more willing to listen and help me.  Using “I” messages as well as releasing the ownership of the problem over to him, allowed me to release the stress I had over the situation. Using these methods set the tone for a respectful and reciprocal exchange. These techniques also ensure NVC was practiced.

Another situation I had with Ms.X was when I was going to speak with her about Print Rich Environment.  I requested a colleague of mine, who also works with Ms. X, to sit in on the conversation I was going to have with her, to provide me feedback and possible strategies to improve my communication with her.  

After our meeting, my colleague suggested that I provide note paper and pen to Ms. X and request she takes notes of our conversation.  Then at the end of the conversation, ask Ms. X to explain her understanding of the topics we discussed.  She also suggested I ask her for a timeline in which I would be able to observe the implementation of the skills.  Implementing this strategy again puts the ownership of the situation on Ms. X, as she has explained her understanding and set a timeframe when the change will be observed within the program. This strategy should lessen my frustration because I do not hold the ownership of the conflict.